There are many facets to a wedding. Here are some wedding tips and advice we have written and collecting from people’s personal experience with weddings. The right kind of wedding tips and advice can often assist you execute your planning efforts flawlessly the first time.

One’s wedding day is a special event for many reasons. First and foremost, two special people are joining together to become one in matrimony. Secondly, it is a time for friends and family members to get together and celebrate. Therefore, it is imperative that the day is as perfect as it possibly can be. There are a few wedding tips to help individuals make their wedding day a complete success.

Plan As Much In Advance as Possible

For those who are able to do so, planning in advance as much as possible is a great idea. Those couples who plan their wedding day spectacular in advance will find that not only will they be able to reserve the desired locations and obtain the perfect wedding day necessities, they will also be much more relaxed when the big day approaches. Planning in advance allows the individuals to feel prepared and prevent them from being rushed to get everything completed in time for their wedding day.

Make a Wedding Checklist or Purchase One

Another wedding tip for ensuring wedding day success is to prepare a list or buy a pre-made one which displays all that the couple needs to do in order to make their wedding day complete. Items such as reception hall rental, ceremony location rental, wedding attire purchases, flower purchases, etc. are just some of the things which the couple should have on their checklist. Many wedding preparation books which one can purchase at a bookstore will have lists of this type within them as well as a detailed timeline for when the couple should complete each task. This really helps the couple get their schedule together and complete everything fully and on time.

Prepare a Budget

An engaged couple who is about to start planning their wedding should sit down together and prepare a set budget to follow along the way. This can be done by looking at their total income, deciding who will be paying for what items or if it is a collective arrangement and allotting certain funds to specific purchases. This will provide the couple with a good financial plan to follow so that they can adequately spend certain amounts on each item and not be short of funds at the end.

Ask for Help

It is important to keep in mind that the engaged couple does not have to do this alone. It is more than okay to ask friends and family members for help with regard to the planning aspect of the wedding should they feel it necessary to do so. Things such as flower choices, wedding gown selections and even asking for help decorating the church or reception hall is fine and the friends and family members whom the couple asks to help with their wedding planning are sure to say yes to help make the day as special as possible.

The previously mentioned wedding tips are just a few ways in which to make your wedding day as special as possible.

http://www.my-wedding-blog.com

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Psychology is often defined as “The science that deals with mental processes and behavior”.

In the modern day, there are basically two prevailing schools of thought. ‘Geneticists’ and ‘Behaviorists’… the old notion of “nature vs nurture.”

The Geneticists are inclined to think that human behavior is derived from heredity and instinct. Often on the news, reports detail how some study claims to find the ‘genetic predisposition’ ‘to being republican’ or ’smoking cigarettes’. This supports the world view that we are ‘hardwired’ in some way and that even subtle nuances of behavior, such as an inclination for addiction, is genetic or “instinctual” in some way.

The Behaviorists, on the other hand, see the human being as a product of conditioning, as based on the environmental exposure of that person. Therefore, the actions of a person have a source that is derived from experience or a triggered train of thought, brought on by a learned understanding. The mechanism of action/belief therefore is sourced in learning, not heredity or instinct.

Which is more relevant? Obviously, both views are relevant in certain ways. Our interest in surviving and reproducing is imprinted/genetic in some way, as it is directly associated with fundamental survival. However, the means by which survival is obtained is entirely based on the social conditioning of that person. If a person grows up in a scarce, poverty stricken environment, with limited access to employment, they will have more of a propensity to engage in illegal activity to survive… more so, then say a middle class person who has basic needs met.

On the other side of the spectrum, if a person with great wealth has grown up in an elitist family and is thus conditioned into thinking that his or her wealth/class serves as a status symbol, they might often exploit those who work for them or perform illegal activities to conform to the identity and social arrogance they think is real.

The bottom line is that it is environmental conditioning that really affects 99% of our actions, and all diligent behavior studies have proven this time and time again.

People become alcoholics not because they have a genetic predisposition, but because of the influence of their parents or friends. If you abuse a child, very often they grow up to abuse other children. When the mass media promotes a certain idea in society, such as “terrorism”, the public is conditioned into believing this is true and a real threat, regardless of reality. The fact is, we are emergent, vulnerable organisms and always undergoing influence, conditioning and change to a certain degree.

That ‘degree’ is largely influenced by the social/ideological identifications which many have been conditioned to think are immutable. This particular state of awareness is where paralysis comes in, for there is nothing in nature to support the conclusion that anything we think about today will not be outdated in the future, for one of the few patterns we can stand behind with a certain degree of confidence(so far) is the reality that all elements of nature are emergent. The ‘identification’ with a set understandings for the sake of ones integrity is a serious distortion in our world, for it is considered a ‘weakness’ when a person is proven wrong. This is, of course, absurd, for to be proven wrong is how most learn and it should not be a feared circumstance.

Fritz Pearls once said that “The human species is the only species that has the ability to interfere with their own growth”. This is an important understanding, for our belief systems, which we think we must keep to support our identities, often stand in the way of new, changing understandings and personal growth.

The most dominant institutions which perpetuate this paralysis seem to be Theistic Religion and The Monetary System. Theistic religion promotes a fix world view, with a “faith” based understanding that rejects logic and new information. The Monetary System ( in all countries) is based on Competition for Labor and thus Labor for Money. Very simply, the “competitive edge” can only be sustained through self-perpetuation, and self-perpetuation/self interest naturally leads to a static institution which prefers not to change, for it threatens the survival of that business, government or the like…

http://www.thezeitgeistmovement.com

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Vampire energy could be nickel-and-diming you into the poor house, while continuously sucking up the planet’s natural resources at a disturbing rate. This energy waste, dubbed vampire energy, comes from everyday appliances like your TV, microwave, VCR and video game player, and it happens while they’re turned off.

save energy

A TV with a remote may use more energy during the 20 hours it is turned off than it does for the four hours you watch it in the evening, according to the Department of Energy.

“Vampire energy loss” from appliances in passive mode (the clock on your microwave) or standby mode (your VCR scheduled to record something) account for 5-8 percent of your home’s total electricity usage per year, according to the Department of Energy, which is equal to about one month’s electricity bill — for every household in the United States.

Add that all up, and you get about 68 billion kilowatt-hours of electricity wasted a year. That amounts to the electricity generated by 37 power plants, at the expense of over 97 billion pounds of carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere.

“When a consumer thinks the device is off, it should be using as little power as possible,” said Alan Meier of the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory in a Salon.com article. “But in their haste to get products onto the market, manufacturers don’t make those modest design improvements, and we, the consumers, pay the price in unnecessarily high standby power use.”

save energy

That tiny clock on your coffee pot is a classic example of something that uses vampire energy. To save money and natural resources, unplug it when you’re not using it.

Vampire Energy Costs Billions

The average VCR in standby mode costs you over $10 a year. Your cordless phone base station just over $3. Taken alone, that doesn’t sound particularly alarming, but it adds up. A plasma TV costs nearly $160 a year, just to run it in standby mode. Your computer? About $34. And your game console around $26.

According to the latest estimates, about 5 percent of the electricity used in the United States goes to standby power, and costs the United States about $4 billion a year. This percentage, however, is on the rise, and it may reach 20 percent by 2010, according to the U.S. Department of Energy.

What Can You Do?

Fortunately, how much vampire energy you allow to be sucked from your home is largely within your control. Here are the top tips to stop vampire energy from costing you money, and wasting electricity:

1. Unplug appliances directly from the wall when you’re not using them. If you have several in one area (such as a computer, printer and fax machine) attach them to a power strip and then simply turn off the power switch.

2. If you’re not going to be using your computer for a while, but you don’t want to shut it down, turn off the monitor. This will save much more energy than using a screensaver (screensavers alone can cost you up to $100 a year).

3. Reduce the brightness on your TV and computer screens by half. This can reduce their energy usage by 30 percent.

4. Turn off lights whenever you’re not using them, and use natural light as much as possible during the day.

5. Unplug phone, toothbrush, PDA and portable tool chargers from the wall when you’re not using them.

6. When purchasing appliances like a refrigerator or dishwasher, look for the EnergyStar label. These appliances can sometimes use half as much energy as other appliances.

http://www.sixwise.com

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Do not squander time for that is the stuff life is made of.
- Benjamin Franklin

Return on investment (ROI) is a term you hear frequently, usually in relation to business and finance. The goal (obviously) is to maximize return on the money you invest. The implications of this concept go much deeper when you start to think of time as your primary investment rather than money. Everything you do is an investment of time. When you watch television, you’re making an investment in entertainment. If you watch a show that sucks, you’ve made a bad investment and receive a poor return for your time.

In many ways time is more valuable than money. You’ll always have the opportunity to make more money, but once time has been spent it’s gone forever. When you think of time as a commodity, and all of your actions as investments, it changes the way you approach every day decisions.

We spend time in many different ways: working, eating, sleep, exercise, entertainment, etc. All of these things are important. When we start investing too heavily in one area and not enough in another we create problems for ourselves. The key is investing our time in a manner that perfectly balances each of these areas and forms a productive and pleasurable life.

Deciding how to invest our time is a formidable task. Unlike business, there are no percentages or spreadsheets to reference. We have to rely on experience and intuition. I’m far from a master at this, but these are a few principals I use to guide my decision making.

1. Look for Multiple Positives

A multiple positive is an activity that generates a positive return in more than one area. These are great for ROI because they multiply returns and incur fewer losses. One of my best multiple positives is working on this website. It’s something that I find extremely entertaining, it contributes to a small (but steadily growing) stream of income, and it develops skills that I’ll be able to use the rest of my life like writing, web design, and networking.

Every individual will have different multiple positives, the important part is finding ones that work for you. A multiple positive for a software developer might be working on open source or a personal project. It can even be as simple as playing basketball, a fun game that’s also great exercise. The key to finding multiple positives is finding areas where different positive actions intersect. If I can find a way to get paid to eat delicious food I’ll be golden.

2. Avoid Multiple Negatives

Multiple negatives are the same as multiple positives, except the complete opposite. These are activities that detract from multiple areas of life. One of my favorite weaknesses is going out drinking. This hurts me in three ways: the time spent isn’t productive, drinks are expensive, and the effect of staying up late and being hungover usually ruins the following day. If I don’t have a good time, this is basically the worst possible scenario.

I’m not saying you should never go out and have a good time. To be happy we need socialization and excitement. My point is that we should always try to minimize the negative impact of our actions. I try to do this by minimizing the amount I drink and only going out when I know it will be enjoyable. Often we get caught in a pattern of poor investment. Over time, the benefits fade away and what remains is mostly negative, but we keep doing it out of habit. This can be avoided by periodically analyzing our behavior. Is it still a good investment, or is it time to make a change?

3. Utilize the Power of Compounding

I’m sure that everyone reading this understands the power of compound interest. When you invest money you earn interest. Then you start earning interest on the money you earned from interest. Over many years this continues to compound and eventually leads to a very large sum of money. The same concept applies to time. If you invest time by working hard when you’re young, you put yourself in a position to succeed that will continue compounding for the rest of your life. If you waste time when you’re young, you can’t make up for it later because you’ve lost the opportunity to utilize the power compounding.

Many people my age fail realize this, in fact I didn’t, or at least I didn’t act on it, until fairly recently. The primary reason is that we’re trapped in the childish mindset. As a child, your only responsibility is entertaining yourself. You needn’t worry about investing your time because Mommy and Daddy are there to take care of you and they’re usually happy as long as you stay out of trouble. These days many young adults ride the childish mindset straight through college. After graduation we’re expected to adopt the adult mindset (and the responsibility of investing our time) instantaneously. A lot of people don’t get it, and every year they waste trying to extend the college days is an opportunity that can never be replaced.

Many people think their time isn’t valuable when they aren’t working, so they throw it away on activities that have a poor return on investment and don’t build for the future. The truth is, no one else is going to consider your time valuable until you do. If you want to acquire the wealth that will provide the freedom to live your ideal lifestyle, start thinking of every decision as an investment. Nothing is insignificant.

One mental model that can help you make better decisions is imagining that your life is a corporation and you’re the only employee. If you were the CEO of John Doe Incorporated, and were obliged to maximize profit on behalf of investors, what would you make yourself do? You’ll find that this sort of analysis simplifies many decisions and increases return on investment.

http://www.pickthebrain.com

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Everyone knows that stress can take a heavy toll on your mind and body, but a hobby can not only prevent the harmful effects of stress but also make your life richer and more rewarding.

Hobbies have been around since ancient times, yet few people use them as an effective tool to beat stress. The secret is in choosing a pastime that not only piques your interest, but that you find mentally engaging as well. A major component of stress is worry. A fascinating leisure activity crowds out worry thoughts by replacing them with positive ideas and study.

Get a hobby that relaxes you.Watching television or listening to music might be classified as hobbies; however, they rarely provide the mental stimulation needed to leave you feeling refreshed and satisfied afterward. A worthwhile activity will make you a more rounded, interesting person. It will give you an outlet to explore your creativity. It will also bring you in contact with fascinating people, which can relieve loneliness.

If you have an activity that you’ve lost interest in, or you’re looking for a new diversion, check out these tips for exploring the endless possibilities before you.

1. Your hobby should interest you.
Don’t get into a spare time activity just because a friend or relative enjoys it. You’ll soon tire of it if that’s your only motivation. No, your hobby should be an activity that you enjoy. And unless you’re truly interested in it, don’t take over someone else’s collection and add to it. Pick something you like. Be original!

2. Explore what the world has to offer.
If you get an idea for something that interests you, the Internet is the best place to research it. Whether it’s collecting, art, crafts, or reading about a specific topic, you can find thousands of web sites, clubs, and user groups to give you more information. If your public library doesn’t have books on what you’re researching, ask a librarian to order them for you through interlibrary loan. This is a free but often underused service of public libraries. A knowledgeable librarian can also help you find magazines and newsletters about your area of interest.

3. Pick something you are passionate about.
What one person finds captivating, another may think is silly or boring. Remember that you don’t have to satisfy or impress anyone else with your fun. This is for you. Pursue something that gets you excited. Don’t be discouraged if you try several different pastimes before you succeed. You’ll know you’ve found the right hobby when you look forward to doing it, when you’re happy during your recreation time, and when it leaves you feeling relaxed and positive.

4. Pick a hobby that’s affordable.
Many people don’t consider this aspect, but it’s better to do something that doesn’t run up debt, tie up a lot of your money, or make you frustrated because you later find it’s out of your reach financially. This kind of entertainment doesn’t have to be expensive to be fulfilling. Again, remember that the object of a hobby is not to impress people, but to do something that’s fun and appealing to you.

5. Pick something that is challenging.
Some collectible items are rare or hard to find. The pursuit of them is part of the excitement. Some activities, like painting, playing a musical instrument, or baking, have no limits. Today, instructional videos or DVDs are available that can teach you almost anything. Be realistic and don’t expect to master your new interest right away. You have the rest of your life to develop your skills. Soon you’ll experience a great sense of personal satisfaction as you become more and more accomplished.

A captivating hobby is a positive, healthy way to escape, if only for an hour at a time. As you grow in your new activity, you’ll feel more contented as a person and less vulnerable to the stress of your job and everyday life.

http://www.inspiration-for-singles.com

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Compared with face-to-face communication, nonverbal cues in email are lacking. But humans are fabulous at generating meaning even when cues are sparse. Psychologists have theorised our motivation for generating meaning is reducing levels of uncertainty and helping predict other people’s behaviour. This might explain how, in emails, even two simple things like capitalisation and emoticons can have important effects on reader’s perceptions. People want to predict our behaviour, and we theirs.

Personality, emoticons and capitalisation in email
The research on nonverbal behaviour in emails is not as simple as emoticons are good while capitalisation is bad. It seems both capitalisation and emoticons can evoke polarised responses. Perhaps less polarised for capitalisation which is normally considered a no-no in emails. Although capitalisation can also communicate excitement and not just senseless shouting.

For emoticons, there is some research finding they can take the sting out of a flame (a message with negative content), while others find it doesn’t. Perhaps some of this variability in the perception of capitalisation and emoticons comes down to personality?

The study
Byron and Baldridge (2007) researched this by asking college students to fill in a personality questionnaire and then read emails from an unknown person. These were simple requests for copies of academic papers or information about the university. Each student was randomly assigned to read two of four differently presented emails. Some of the emails were all capitalised, others included emoticons and the rest neither, so the researchers could compare responses. The students then rated the sender’s likeability.

They found that, sure enough, using correct capitalisation and emoticons tended to make a better impression on readers. The reader’s personality also influenced how emoticons and capitalisation were perceived. Readers high in both extroversion and emotional stability were likely to rate sender’s emails as more likeable if they had correct capitalisation. As for emoticons, readers higher in emotional stability were likely to rate sender’s emails more likeable if they used emoticons.

The opposite was also true. This meant that for the introverted and emotionally unstable, correct capitalisation tended not to affect the sender’s likeability, perhaps even lowering it. Similarly, emoticons had little effect on the emotionally unstable.

More questions than answers
These results are interesting but they also raise loads more questions. Emoticons may make the sender appear more likeable, but do they also make them seem less professional? Can emoticons really take the sting out of a flame? In this study, they only used a smiley face but what about all the other emoticons? And what if you’re using emoticons other people don’t understand?

These questions are multiplied if more advanced ways of communicating emotion in email become a reality. Researchers are currently working on electronic mail systems which involve expressive typography, graphical components as well as old fashioned words to convey emotion. Whether this will provide a significant and useable step forward in email over punctuation, italicisation and capitalisation, we shall have to wait and see. Until then, WE’VE GOT QUITE ENOUGH QUESTIONS TO ANSWER ABOUT EMAIL JUST AS IT IS

http://www.spring.org.uk

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The U.S. divorce rate — 3.6 divorces per 1,000 people — is at its lowest point since 1970. Although marriage rates are down also, clearly married couples are increasingly taking the attitude that they’re in it for the long haul, and are taking the steps necessary to keep their relationship strong.

doing nice things for your spouse

Doing nice things for each other on a regular basis will keep your marriage positive.

That is not to say that there aren’t problems. Most married couples do argue (often about money, sex, work, children and housework), and although a recent study in the Journal of Family Communication found that couples who express their anger live longer than those who suppress it, too much arguing can damage a relationship beyond repair.

Happy couples, the ones that endure and remain heartily committed through good times and bad, often make a commitment to staying that way, and you can too, with the help of these 10 marriage tips.

1. Show affection regularly. Whether it’s a kiss on the cheek, a touch on the arm in passing, or a hearty “thank you,” happy couples are not shy about showing affection.
2. Keep arguments respectful. When you argue, stick to the issue at hand and avoid making personal attacks. Arguments that are kept fair can be constructive, but if you veer off into the land of mean comments and personal attacks, you’ll likely never reach a compromise, much less a solution.
3. Communicate. Along with arguing respectfully, it’s important to communicate respectfully. By sharing your thoughts, concerns and ideas regularly, you create an open environment of trust and intimacy.
4. Be nice to your spouse. Studies show that for every negative thing that happens, it takes five positive things to balance it out. Happy couples go out of their way to do nice things for their partner on a regular basis, which will keep the overall marriage positive, rather than negative. Little things do make a big difference.
5. Choose your battles. There are likely numerous little things that you COULD argue about in a day (heat settings, TV volume, snoring, etc., etc.), but some issues are simply not solvable, nor are they worth getting upset over. Save the arguments for the big stuff, and simply learn to live with the rest of it. You’ll both be happier in the long run.

happily married couple

Remember to take the time to go out on “dates” like you did when you first met.

6. Do fun things together. When a couple first meets, they instinctively prioritize their relationship and do all types of new, exciting activities together. Years later, after kids and other obligations enter the mix, it’s up to you to make time to do things together. Keeping time just for the two of you, to do something you both enjoy, will keep things feeling fresh.
7. Laugh together. Everything does not have to be about paying bills and picking the kids up at soccer practice. Make an effort to find some humor — especially if things are tense — to keep things positive.
8. Show your respect. Strong marriages are built on mutual respect. This means sticking up for your partner, supporting them, and never badmouthing them to your kids or in-laws.
9. Do things YOUR way. Here “your” refers to you and your spouse. It’s important that together you establish your own traditions, daily rituals and methods for raising your children, taking care of finances, etc. If there is a meddling in-law, sibling or friend who is allowed to interfere, it will undermine the idea of YOUR marriage.
10. Be empathetic. Make an effort to understand your spouse, hear their concerns, and share their excitement. Studies have found that people who have empathetic personalities are more likely to report being satisfied in their long-term relationships. These people are also better able to show compassion and to see things from their partner’s perspective — both keys to a satisfying marriage.

http://www.sixwise.com

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It’s a rare couple that doesn’t run into at least a few relationship problems — even when their love life is generally happy. It helps, experts say, to know what the most common problems in a relationship or marriage are. That way you’ll have a better chance of getting through them if they occur in yours. Scott Haltzman, MD, is a clinical assistant professor of psychology at Brown University in Providence, R.I. “Knowing what to expect from relationships — the good, the bad, and the ugly — is the best way to make sure you’re not looking for something that will never be there,” Haltzman says.

Ideally, basic topics such as money, sex, and kids should be discussed before a couple decide to share their life together, says Margaret A. Cochran, PhD. Cochran is a San Francisco Bay area psychotherapist who coaches couples on resolving marriage problems and building romantic intimacy. But agreeing on these things, she says, doesn’t guarantee that a marriage or long-term relationship is going to be trouble free.

Marriage and family therapist Terri Orbuch, PhD, director of the NIH-funded Early Years of Marriage project at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, has identified seven common relationship problems and ways to address them. Her suggestions can help you get a wobbly relationship back on track.

Relationship problem #1: Lack of trust

Trust is an essential part of a relationship, Orbuch tells WebMD. “Trust becomes an issue when one partner doesn’t feel the other is being honest, or doesn’t have his or her best interests at heart,” she says. It can become a major issue if one of you feels the other has a roving eye – or worse, sees signs of a cheating spouse.

Orbuch’s solution is a “trust talk.” You and your partner need to ask one another about your feelings about and experience with dependability and commitment. What are the behaviors that are causing you to lose trust in your partner or to doubt his or her commitment? Finally — and Orbuch says you need to think about this carefully — do you have unresolved issues of your own that hinder your ability to trust others? “You have to have a trustworthy partner,” Orbuch says, “but you also have to have the ability to trust.”

Mary Jo Fay, RN, MSN, author of , offers these tips to help you and your partner develop trust in each other.

• Be consistent.
• Be on time. When you have to be late, call and say you’ll be late.
• Do what you say you will do, and call when you say you will call.
• Don’t lie – not even little white lies – to your partner or to others.
• Be fair, even in an argument.
• Be sensitive to the other’s feelings. You can still disagree, but don’t discount how your partner feels.
• Carry your fair share of chores.
• Respect your partner’s boundaries.
• Be a good listener.
• Try not to overreact when things go wrong.
• Don’t dig up old wounds. Remember that once you say things, you can’t take them back.
• Don’t be jealous.

Relationship problem #2: Issues with sex

Even partners who love each other can have problems in their sexual relationship, says Orbuch. Pointing to the thorny issues of frequency, satisfaction, types of sexual activity, and the role of physical intimacy in the rest of the relationship, Orbuch tells WebMD that the nature of sex can change over the course of a relationship. “The passage of time,” she says, “affects sexuality. Most couples don’t retain that urgent longing they first felt.”

Talking about your sexual relationship not only gets the issue out in the open, but can also be arousing, says Orbuch. “Talk about your fantasies, how often you’d like to have sex, what things you might like to try,” she says. For many women, talk leads to intimacy, though that’s not always true for men. Passion can also be fueled by “newness.” “Do something new and exciting with your partner,” Orbuch says, “whether that’s taking a cooking class together or arranging a mystery date.”

Relationship problem #3: Not enough communication

“Many couples assume that handling daily tasks is communicating,” Orbuch says. “But true communication means sharing your goals and thoughts and dreams – not just talking about whose turn it is to pick up the kids.”

Orbuch tells WebMD it’s important to spend at least five minutes a day talking about topics other than work, your schedules, and your kids. “This can be in person, on the phone, or even in email,” she says. “Or make a point of gathering at the dinner table each night to talk. This is important even if you’re a couple without kids.” Childless couples can get stuck in communication ruts, too.

Communicating with each other can go a long way toward resolving your relationship problems. But don’t be hesitant to seek help from a professional counselor. “Whether you’re a new couple, in the middle of your relationship, or long-established partners,” says Orbuch, “a third party can help you if you get stuck.”

Relationship problem #4: Money issues

Money issues are a sore spot for many couples. Addressing them involves many questions, says Orbuch, from how much money you each think you should save to who earns more and who makes the financial decisions. “Money is an especially sensitive subject,” says Orbuch. “People just don’t like to talk about it.”

Every three months, Orbuch says, you should schedule a “money talk.” Make a list of short- and long-term financial goals, and plan for how much you’re spending and how much you’re saving. “It’s not unusual for one partner to play a more primary role in money matters,” says Orbuch, “but the other partner should be involved and aware. One person shouldn’t be making big financial decisions alone.”

Relationship problem #5: Dividing chores

“Who does what at home can be a source of conflict between couples,” says Orbuch. “Women like to feel that they’re part of a team. It doesn’t have to be 50-50, but it does have to be fair.”

Orbuch says you should choose a time when you’re not frustrated or angry and you’re both feeling relaxed. Then discuss each of your expectations. Do you expect your husband to take out the trash? Does he expect you to cook dinner? If reality doesn’t meet your expectations, instead of being frustrated, look for solutions together that may work better for each of you.

Relationship problem #6: Managing conflict

Most couples argue from time to time. “It’s not the amount of conflict, but how you handle it,” says Orbuch. “Destructive behavior, such as yelling, shouting, or withdrawing, is not appropriate. You need to develop a constructive conflict style.”

Start by bringing up your concerns in a timely way, Orbuch says, but find the right time to talk. That’s not when the kids are clamoring for your attention, or when your partner has just walked in from work at the end of a long day. Remain as calm as possible, and use “I statements” to explain how you think and feel. For example: “I feel neglected when you don’t call if you’re going to be late,” instead of: “You’re so thoughtless you can’t even pick up a phone.” And, Orbuch says, make sure you’re really listening to what your partner is saying, not thinking about your response while he or she is talking. Keep lines of communication open – remember, disagreement doesn’t necessarily mean disrespect.

Relationship problem #7: Maintaining compatibility

Compatibility doesn’t always mean having similar hobbies and interests, says Orbuch. Rather, it has more to do with having similar attitudes and values. “Couples who feel the same way about issues such as children, religion, and lifestyle are more likely to stay together,” Orbuch says.

The solution again is to talk, says Orbuch. “You don’t need to be compatible on all issues,” she says, “but you should think alike on at least some of the major issues in your relationship.” For the topics you don’t agree on, Orbuch tells WebMD, you should discuss whether there’s room for compromise or negotiation, and how this might affect your relationship. For instance, Orbuch says, “If one of you really wants children and the other really doesn’t, you need to honestly evaluate whether you can maintain your relationship.”

While you’re resolving a relationship problem

If you’re working on one of these relationship problems, says Karen Sherman, PhD, there are things you can do that will help you appreciate each other while you resolve them. Sherman, a New York psychologist and co-author of Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, Make It Last, says you should keep the following in mind.

1. Respect each other. Speak and behave respectfully toward one another. Don’t humiliate or put your partner down, especially in public. When you speak with each other, speak as you did when you first started dating.
2. Show appreciation of one another. Say “thank you,” and “I appreciate that you . . . .” It lets your partner know that he or she matters.
3. Be realistic. Thinking your mate will meet all your needs – and will be able to figure them out without your asking – is a Hollywood fantasy. “Ask for what you need directly,” says Sherman.
4. Recognize that the two of you are different, come from different families, and have been raised differently. Rather than getting annoyed or assuming that your partner doesn’t care, open up and be receptive to learn about your partner’s different way of doing things.
5. Use humor. Learn to let things go, and enjoy one another more. Have fun!

http://www.webmd.com

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Essential oil aromatherapy is the practice of using aromatic plant essences to promote physical, emotional and spiritual well being. Ancient cultures were aware of numerous aromatherapy benefits for the body and mind, and the history of aromatherapy can be traced back many hundreds of years. These often stressful modern times have seen a resurgence of interest in the use of fragrance, with many people discovering the effects of therapeutic essential oils for themselves.

Aromatherapy oil burners are widely available these days, and offer people a simple way to enjoy the benefits of burning aromatic oils at home. Inhaling the powerful aroma molecules is an easy way to benefit from their healing qualities. Many types of aromatherapy diffusers are available, from those that use a candle, electricity or batteries to supply a heat source, to porous clay pots that simply allow the aromas to seep out into the air. Aromatherapy essential oils can induce feelings of well being. For instance, lemongrass essential oil can help relieve nervous tension and lavender can aid relaxation.

High quality essential oils can be used in blends to create aromatherapy massage oils. Aroma molecules can be absorbed into the body via the skin, as well as by inhalation. Natural carrier oils are used in aromatherapy skin care products as pure essential oil should not be applied directly to the skin. Other ways of using aromatherapy oils in everyday life include adding a few drops to warm bath for a soothing or revitalizing effect, or burning scented candles. Essential oil aromatherapy products can make lovely gifts, and there are some excellent suppliers online.

http://www.aromatherapy-essential-oils.ws

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Spend now or save for tomorrow? Many financial decisions come down to this exact problem. If you buy the dress or the sunglasses now, you can’t use that money at the weekend to pay for the restaurant. How do we calculate these kind of trade-offs? Do we make any calculation at all? If not, then what factors influence our decisions?

There are two sets of answers to the question of how we decide whether to spend or save, hoard or splurge. In the first set of answers humans are seen as rational, logical creatures who make decisions about money by carefully weighing up the present against the future. People try to balance how useful it is to spend the money now, compared to how useful it will be to spend the money later.

And for the phrase ‘how useful’ you can substitute, say: ‘how happy it makes you/someone else’ or ‘the financial advantage you would gain’. It’s all about trade-offs in current emotional, financial or other states in the moment compared to how you imagine the future.

This view of people exercising the wisdom of Solomon is dying fast. This is simply because it doesn’t fully explain how people actually behave. Nowadays amongst researchers there’s much less emphasis on people calculating usefulness – either in the moment or future usefulness – and more on how our self-control and emotions interact at the actual moment of decision-making (Camerer, Loewenstein & Prelec, 2005).

Reason versus emotion

New perspectives on how our self-control interacts with our spending see a battle between impulsive, emotional processes and far-sighted planning processes. One part of us is saying: “Buy it, you’ll feel real good!” and another part is saying: “No, we need that money to pay the rent!”

Findings from this type of research are only just starting to emerge, but here are some fascinating highlights on how our self-control works:

* Increased cognitive load decreases self-control. This is something marketers are well-aware of: distracted people are more likely to spend money. Most shops are filled with shiny, complicated distractions – bright colours, music and ‘incredible offers’ – designed to confuse us and open our wallets.
* Our supply of self-control is limited. Studies show that our self-control is actually sapped each time we use it (Baumeister & Vohs, 2003). It’s also sapped, predictably, by alcohol, lack of sleep and stress.

And how our self-control is affected by our emotions:

* Sadness makes us want a change (any change). Sadness may well increase the chance we want to spend. One study found that those who are sad are more likely to want to sell at a lower price and buy at a higher price (Lerner, Small & Loewenstein, 2004).
* Disgust makes us want to get rid of everything. When we’re disgusted we want to get rid of the things we have and don’t want to buy anything.
* Anxiety makes us want to reduce uncertainty. Anxiety makes us prefer low-risk options (Raghunathan & Pham, 1999).

How to make better decisions with money

At this stage relatively little is known about how our monetary self-control and our emotions interact. Nevertheless there’s already some clear practical messages about how to make better decisions about money from these results:

* Self-imposed limits. Research by Professor Dan Ariely (reported in his book Predicatably Irrational) suggests that self-imposed limits can help to increase self-control. Telling other people about these limits will tend to increase our adherence to them. Professor Ariely even suggests a special credit card which only lets you spend money on certain categories of goods (e.g. groceries) up to a certain pre-set limit, then it warns of overspending. Unsurprisingly credit card companies haven’t taken up the idea, good though it is.
* Cooling-off periods. Take time to decide about a purchase, especially anything expensive. Not just a few minutes – more like a few hours or days. Many people already do this and it’s an extremely effective method of financial decision-making. Emotional states are likely to affect our self-control in all kinds of complicated ways. Sadness may make us more likely to spend, anxiety can make us avoid risks (perhaps risks we should take). Plus our emotions probably have many other effects which remain a mystery.
* Monitor your self-control. The fact that self-control seems to run-down with use suggests we need to monitor its levels. Have you used a lot of self-control recently? Are you tired? Are you about to snap? Again, it might be better to wait until your self-control tank is refilled.

The emotional spender

So it’s another nail in the coffin for the rational view of humanity, that we think carefully and logically about the decisions we make with money. Of course we try to do that (sometimes), but we would do better to acknowledge the effect that strictly irrelevant thoughts and emotions can have on us.

However, given how little insight we often have into our own underlying cognitive processes, actually being conscious of our self-control and emotional response is likely to be tricky. In the end we have to fall back on rules of thumb like self-imposed limits and cooling-off periods otherwise our self-control is likely to go out the window.

http://www.spring.org.uk

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